when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
People in love make me want to vomit
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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