I wannas sexs uuuuu
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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