I CAN MOONWALK!
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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