Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
