and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
