I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
