Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
