Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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