i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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