I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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