i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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