Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
