oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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