Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
