But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
