Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
