gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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