I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
