totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
There r osticjed everywhere
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
