her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
