My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
