A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
