I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
