just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
