How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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