It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
