The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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