i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Randomize
