I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he puts the penis in happiness.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
