No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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