i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
