I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
