two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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