Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
