And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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