First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
