Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
