I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
