i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
