A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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