i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
