batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
