Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
