You're so nebulous sometimes
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
