You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
