I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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