This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
