there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
