Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
