my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
