even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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