kristin has been a bad kristin
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
